The title is a question for me and perhaps for many men in this world. I don’t know if many women will ask similar questions about men, but I believe men are more easily to be understood and perhaps vulgarly honest in some condition (well, unless it’s unpleasant to be honest like… cheating?).
Let me tell a short story about a man and his relationship, and you will understand what I’m going to talk about, but perhaps going to be confused more with women
There was a boy, who has just broken the relationship with his girlfriend. This man never have confidence to make his girlfriend feels happy, but the girl always encourages him that she was happy with this boy. One day, a problem happened and quarrel was inevitable, and with just one sentence: “I wonder if I will always suffered when I live with you”, the boy lost his thought and always thinking that sentence again and again. Although he tried to forget about that sentence, but he couldn’t. Until one day he decided to end the relation with this girl.
After several months of being single, he met a girl who was in the same workplace with him. They communicated casually as friends and work partner, and for this boy, she looked nice and pretty. Interest was grown in the heart of this boy, but the girl never spoken the fact that she had a boyfriend. It was when the boy knew about that, he stopped his attempts to know more and had interest on her, and finally he could accepted her as a friend instead.
Later, this boy met another girl who was the friend of the first girl. Actually, she was also went to the same workplace as him. Initially, the boy doesn’t have any interest with her, simply because of the gossip that she had a boyfriend. However after several communication and messaging with her, she revealed that she had just broken up with his boyfriend because her boyfriend cheated on her. With this experience of broken heart, she began to ask the boy many questions about men, and many were answered as he could.
The communication continued and everything went nice, at least from the boy’s perspective. Two months later, the boy revealed that he might be interested in her despite he didn’t sure she might be good enough for him to continue to the next level of relationship, but she answered that she didn’t have any interest in him. Although he disappointed with the answer, he accepted that fate and tried to fix the awkwardness he might cause that day. The feeling was not something that can be easily removed, and after several months, he still had that feeling to her.
The most annoying part of the friendship with this girl was that she always told that she doesn’t want to have boyfriend or any relationship, perhaps for the entire of her life, because men and boys are jerks. One time even a simple conversation ended up because she happen to tell him that she suddenly hate boys that time. Simply because she could not accept her fate in the past that she was cheated by an asshole, so that she decided to label every men as assholes. The boy had many arguments with her about relationship, and one time he even said something mean to her that she was a liar, just because he saw her many times went with other boys and happy with them. Perhaps it was driven by jealousy. Still, it was something that should not be said by a man who doesn’t have any special relation with the woman.
In the end, he realized that everything the girl told was her own responsibility, not other’s. If it was her who lied to other people, why should he care? She is the one who will shoulder the lies she told for all of her entire life. It would be easy if he can just move on and pretend don’t care, but he can’t.
Actually, the boy just want to show his care to her, but everything he done was wrong, and sometimes even malicious to her. He couldn’t control the emotion, and couldn’t control what to tell and what not to tell to her. Everything he writes since that day is just seems wrong. Regretful feeling is not something that can fix anything that happened in the past. He can only hope if there is second chance to fix what he done in the past.
End of story.
It was a short story about me that happened several months ago. I’m not sure if I have done something terrible and repent for what I’ve done. Perhaps I’m just overthinking about what women / girls done to me, and also what I’ve done to them. In the end, for every experience I had with those women, I got to learn something about them and women in general. The third experience might be the most important one.
On the first experience, I free myself of being tortured with her sentence and perhaps her lies of being happy with me, and she was freed from me who may cause her to suffer in the future. The memory of being together often popped up in a random occasion which always cause me to get “feeling attack”. After all, 5 years in relationship was not a short period.
On the second experience, I still don’t understand why she didn’t told me that she already had a boyfriend and happy with him. Why wouldn’t she just be honest about his condition. Is it because she is clueless about what I have done to her? The worst of all is that I don’t understand when she said that she would marry with another rich man instead. Not sure if it was just a joke or a serious statement. Still, the relationship for me isn’t something that could be easily used as a joke. It will simply determine your future. One wrong sentence may ruins your entire relationship like the first experience I have, but it depends on the people of course. It can be easily ruined if the man is kind of sensitive like me, but will be all right when he is an easy-going person. For such a young woman like her, perhaps relationship still just a joke, so let’s move on to the next.
On the third experience, I don’t understand why woman should state that she would be rather be — I apologize with this phrase in advance — an old lonely virgin woman, instead of try to accept her past and move on with the future. I will understand if she had ambition on being successful woman in career, but still that statement (want to be lonely without spouse or relationship for an entire life) may hurts herself. Couldn’t she just behave like a normal person when I try to communicate with her? Well, this is the first time I’m being harsh with a girl, perhaps it affects her decision to ignore me and stay away from me.
The third experience also open my eyes that you should never tell that you’re interested in a girl until you really want her to be your girlfriend, unless you’re a very handsome, rich or popular man. Also, although she doesn’t give me a pleasant experience, at least I got to know about myself more than the previous 5 years relationship I have. She might be lied about one thing, but I’m glad to know her since she is honest about her feeling towards me, and also she told me my flaws that I think I need to improve: too emotional, too pushy, too clingy when it’s about woman and relationship, too sensitive, and too noisy. Really grateful to know her, despite all the happiness from the past will not be able to repeated again.
Finally, I don’t intend to insult any women out there with this post. I believe many women out there have different attitude. And all women who I wrote here also have many good qualities that I known and also unknown to me. In the end, some girls will be incompatible with me from the beginning to the end, some will be perfect match initially and incompatible in the end, and some might be sucks initially but in the end everything will be better. I will not giving up my hope to have a nice and healthy relationship. I’m sure that in the right time and right place, I will find a good and nice woman that can be honest to me and accept me for the flaws I have, and I will also try to accept her honesty although sometimes honesty can be painful. Not to said that I may not just let her to simply accept me, with true love I believe I can also change myself to be a better person, man (not a boy anymore) and in the end, husband. Oh, and I think I don’t have any deadline when it’s all about marriage, I’m a free person in this matter. ^_^
PS: Oh, also I feel pity to people who said, “hey, remember your age” or something like, “you’re not a kid who should write about love anymore”, just because I write about relationship and love, please just ignore me because since now I will ignore your message. I am living the colorful life, with sorrow and happiness, and I’m not going to let myself down because of several people who judge me only by what they see for the first or second time without going deeper with me.
Oh, I just remember a phrase that I got from the third girl: “Woman may forgive, but never forget”. Same here, really, my memory is quite perfect for this kind of event and sometimes even haunted me if I made something regretful. However I’m curious about the second girl who easily forget something that I’ve said just several days ago. LOL. Doesn’t matter though, she might’ve been blessed with easily manipulated mind perhaps.