Yesterday, I talked with one of my friend about love and he shared his experience on his relationship. We talked about it about 1 hour and had many laughter since we had both funny moment in relationship and love problems. Also, he told me some advice on what to do and what don’t when you are in relationship or when you try to approach a girl, a.k.a PDKT or pendekatan.
The first thing I noticed was that he also had similar event with me, got to get acquainted to a girl, been a friend, started to grow feeling toward her, had chat so often, and at the climax: let the girl know that he had feeling for her. What happened to him next was that he was avoided and ignored by the girl to the point where she looked like someone who never got acquainted with him. Even one day, she asked him from message, whether my friend avoided her. Well, to be honest, it’s just weird and awkward when someone who ignored you asks the same thing to you. He told me that the event has been happened about 2 years ago and everything is fine now, he loses the interest to that girl, and the girl never contacts him anymore.
It’s kinda funny to hear about his story and I still don’t understand why does females tend to ignore males after the males confessed his feeling toward them. Is it default biological and psychological feature in females to repel any guys who honestly confessed to her? I have heard many similar story about men who happen to be avoided by women after they confessed his feeling. Some of them also happen to say that the guys are creepy.
Somehow I think I understand why women do that. When a girl who I don’t have romantic interest with confessed to me, I might be thinking something bad about her, and how creepy the girl is when she still try to tell me about how she loves me every time we communicate (or implying that she has feeling in me every time). However, in this kind of modern society, how many females will confessed first to the males, simply because it’s not their role to confessed first, no matter how many feminist that encourage them to do so. If I think carefully, if she really honest about her feeling, I might also give her a chance, especially since I’m not a popular, rich, or handsome guy.
Sigh… Okay, let’s proceed to the next issue.
My friend suggests that I just follow the “game” the girl do to me. Somehow, I don’t really like this word, mainly when used in this kind of situation. “The game”, implying that this is just for fun, and no seriousness in it. Honestly, the first time I fall to this girl, I also thought that I must play “a game” so she feel more interested in me. After several days, I think it’s just non-sense to do this thing, and also unethical, though “the game” itself doesn’t really means to make her a play thing or toy for me, it’s just simply ways to make her interest in me. I just want to show her my true feeling, how I care about her, how I emotionally attached to her, how I want her to be a better person and have better future, how I want her to cast aside her painful past in relationship and try to start a new one.
Perhaps this is the sin I have done that cause our relationship worsening now. For what I’ve done, perhaps I got what I deserve: avoidance and being ignored. And even it’s worsen after I feel really attached to her lately. I wondering now if this life is a game, it really sucks, and whoever the developer should be punched in his face. >_<
This is why recently I decided to stop getting to close to girls. I have the fear that I might cause “the game” happened again which may hurt me and the girl I like. Perhaps it’s better to be a single for awhile without thinking about girl. People said that the girl will come eventually, as long you don’t be too choosy. Yet, I still hope the same girl will give me a chance to show her the good side of me, without being ignored. It’s just too sudden that she ignored me, while everything is still nice the previous week when I had a good chat with her. It’s just… sad, really.
So guys, if you really like a girl, I have my own suggestions to you:
- If you really want to have a good relationship, never tell your feeling too early, let the feeling mutually developed and all will happen naturally. This is what happened when I was with my first and only ex.
- If you tell your feeling and she rejects it, keep showing your good side, never get too upset when she rejected for the first time, improve yourself, but still try to be yourself and keep communicate with her. Some people cannot accepts rejection and being *ssh*le for sure, and I have seen some of my friends that have this trait, cursing and hope something bad happens to the girl who rejects him.
- If the situation worsened, never force yourself towards her. Let her alone for some time, because it is uncomfortable to be disturbed now and then. Keep supporting her, don’t ignore her when she tries to contact you, keep everything casual, keep friendly. This is what I try to do right now, although I’m not sure this will fix the situation, but it worth to do.
- If the situation is unrecoverable, try to move on. Do you listen to what I said? U-N-R-E-C-O-V-E-R-A-B-L-E, or by simple word: you are nothing more for her, or if you’re something, than you’re not more than a cockroach that need to be crushed and the existence should be eliminated from this world. Though I believe this is virtually impossible unless the girl is super unfriendly or *ssh*le, or perhaps just introspect yourself, perhaps you’re the one who impossibly annoying or have far beyond humanity acceptable behaviors.
Oh, also one more thing that I’m still wondering: I honestly think that my friend deserves a girlfriend more than myself. He is nice, opened, humorous, funny, friendly, religious (but not fanatic), stylish, and more socially capable rather than me. There are also some of my friends who have great qualification as good boyfriends but instead are singles until now. But, well, the world isn’t really fair as what I said above, somehow it’s happened like a random game. People who deserve more get less, yet who deserve less get more. You have to play it nicely or you will lose in depression.
Sigh… I really hate this game!