Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

Is Love (and Life) Really a Game?

Yesterday, I talked with one of my friend about love and he shared his experience on his relationship. We talked about it about 1 hour and had many laughter since we had both funny moment in relationship and love problems. Also, he told me some advice on what to do and what don’t when you are in relationship or when you try to approach a girl, a.k.a PDKT or pendekatan.

The first thing I noticed was that he also had similar event with me, got to get acquainted to a girl, been a friend, started to grow feeling toward her, had chat so often, and at the climax: let the girl know that he had feeling for her. What happened to him next was that he was avoided and ignored by the girl to the point where she looked like someone who never got acquainted with him. Even one day, she asked him from message, whether my friend avoided her. Well, to be honest, it’s just weird and awkward when someone who ignored you asks the same thing to you. He told me that the event has been happened about 2 years ago and everything is fine now, he loses the interest to that girl, and the girl never contacts him anymore.

It’s kinda funny to hear about his story and I still don’t understand why does females tend to ignore males after the males confessed his feeling toward them. Is it default biological and psychological feature in females to repel any guys who honestly confessed to her? I have heard many similar story about men who happen to be avoided by women after they confessed his feeling. Some of them also happen to say that the guys are creepy.

Somehow I think I understand why women do that. When a girl who I don’t have romantic interest with confessed to me, I might be thinking something bad about her, and how creepy the girl is when she still try to tell me about how she loves me every time we communicate (or implying that she has feeling in me every time). However, in this kind of modern society, how many females will confessed first to the males, simply because it’s not their role to confessed first, no matter how many feminist that encourage them to do so. If I think carefully, if she really honest about her feeling, I might also give her a chance, especially since I’m not a popular, rich, or handsome guy.

Sigh… Okay, let’s proceed to the next issue.

My friend suggests that I just follow the “game” the girl do to me. Somehow, I don’t really like this word, mainly when used in this kind of situation. “The game”, implying that this is just for fun, and no seriousness in it. Honestly, the first time I fall to this girl, I also thought that I must play “a game” so she feel more interested in me. After several days, I think it’s just non-sense to do this thing, and also unethical, though “the game” itself doesn’t really means to make her a play thing or toy for me, it’s just simply ways to make her interest in me. I just want to show her my true feeling, how I care about her, how I emotionally attached to her, how I want her to be a better person and have better future, how I want her to cast aside her painful past in relationship and try to start a new one.

Perhaps this is the sin I have done that cause our relationship worsening now. For what I’ve done, perhaps I got what I deserve: avoidance and being ignored. And even it’s worsen after I feel really attached to her lately. I wondering now if this life is a game, it really sucks, and whoever the developer should be punched in his face. >_<

This is why recently I decided to stop getting to close to girls. I have the fear that I might cause “the game” happened again which may hurt me and the girl I like. Perhaps it’s better to be a single for awhile without thinking about girl. People said that the girl will come eventually, as long you don’t be too choosy. Yet, I still hope the same girl will give me a chance to show her the good side of me, without being ignored. It’s just too sudden that she ignored me, while everything is still nice the previous week when I had a good chat with her. It’s just… sad, really.

So guys, if you really like a girl, I have my own suggestions to you:

  1. If you really want to have a good relationship, never tell your feeling too early, let the feeling mutually developed and all will happen naturally. This is what happened when I was with my first and only ex.
  2. If you tell your feeling and she rejects it, keep showing your good side, never get too upset when she rejected for the first time, improve yourself, but still try to be yourself and keep communicate with her. Some people cannot accepts rejection and being *ssh*le for sure, and I have seen some of my friends that have this trait, cursing and hope something bad happens to the girl who rejects him.
  3. If the situation worsened, never force yourself towards her. Let her alone for some time, because it is uncomfortable to be disturbed now and then. Keep supporting her, don’t ignore her when she tries to contact you, keep everything casual, keep friendly. This is what I try to do right now, although I’m not sure this will fix the situation, but it worth to do.
  4. If the situation is unrecoverable, try to move on. Do you listen to what I said? U-N-R-E-C-O-V-E-R-A-B-L-E, or by simple word: you are nothing more for her, or if you’re something, than you’re not more than a cockroach that need to be crushed and the existence should be eliminated from this world. Though I believe this is virtually impossible unless the girl is super unfriendly or *ssh*le, or perhaps just introspect yourself, perhaps you’re the one who impossibly annoying or have far beyond humanity acceptable behaviors.

Oh, also one more thing that I’m still wondering: I honestly think that my friend deserves a girlfriend more than myself. He is nice, opened, humorous, funny, friendly, religious (but not fanatic), stylish, and more socially capable rather than me. There are also some of my friends who have great qualification as good boyfriends but instead are singles until now. But, well, the world isn’t really fair as what I said above, somehow it’s happened like a random game. People who deserve more get less, yet who deserve less get more. You have to play it nicely or you will lose in depression.

Sigh… I really hate this game!

This entry was last modified on: September 7th, 2017 at 1:29

What is Love

Well, I don’t really like to write about my love and relationship on my blog as if I don’t know that I already old enough for this kind of crap, but still my mind keeps tell me to write what I think before I fall into deeper depression. I’m not the kind of man that is easily depressed because of love… Well, perhaps I am. It’s simply because I can’t easily leave my past after it happened. So if you think this entry is immature or inappropriate since it is my personal thought, or doesn’t meet your personal expectation because you need more information about me since this is my personal website, I kindly ask you to stop reading now and find another interesting article in the web instead, or read another post in another category that’s available In this blog.

“Baby don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me no more.” perhaps is the best answer for the title question.

On the previous post, I wrote about a girl, the third girl I met, which gave enough impact to me lately. Actually, the impact is far too strong and affected me until now. I still keep thinking about her, and even I always keep trying to get noticed by her.

I keep thinking about her but don’t have enough courage to make any contact to her. I just afraid I will end up disappointed with her replies, make her upset to me because I keep bothering her. I think it’s my selfishness so that I end up always want to bother her, despite of the fact that I almost never have chats lately. In the end I bothered more people in a chat group where she is one of the members, just because I want her attention. Sigh… I should just thinking more about other people before did that.

Some people will say, “grow your balls and text her!”, but it’s not as easy as they think. I had issues with her in the past which developed into a big barrier for my relation with her. Then why don’t you solve the issues and patch up your relationship with her? I’ve tried but I kept creating new other issues after that. It keeps repeating and perhaps annoyed her so much that she might think it’s better not to have any relation with me, or even worsen her thought about males in general. I can’t really guest what’s on her mind now, probably she doesn’t even really care about those issues since I’m not “somebody” for her. Who knows.

Sometimes I wish I can be more like other males who can easily moves on and search for other females. Instead I just want to prove to her that I can be the one for her, but still I’m stuck because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I will cause her depressed about her future. I’m afraid that I will hurt her. I’m afraid that I will affect her in wrong way. I’m afraid that I cannot protect her and support her when she needs me. I’m afraid that some hurtful words will be spoken from her mouth just because she feels despair in me. I’m afraid the relationship will be ended up as what has happened in the past with my previous relationship.

The more I think about this, the more I realize that I have done something wrong. If I really love someone, I should simply let her happy. If they are happy but I don’t feel that happiness, it’s perhaps just lust or temporary love. Even if she dates another guy, I should be happy, at least I know that her mind has been changed and she can trust other males, though I know I will feel sad in reality. I just wonder that her smile will brighten everyone’s day, that’s the power of happiness.

Somehow, as a single guy, I wonder that it will be better if I don’t meet any single girls. It just hurt me more and make me feel responsible on what has happened around them. However, it’s part of experience that I will get, so it should not really matter if I think it thoroughly. Sadness, happiness, hope, despair, acceptance, rejection, for something called love is always worthy for your life lessons not matter how hard that lessons are. It teaches us how to behave to another person who is precious to you and you treasured her so much.

Perhaps I will not go to try to make any special relationship with another girl for some time since I feel betrayed and afraid for relationship lately. In fact, even since I have just get acquainted to a new girl, I just can’t keep my communication up with that girl lately, not because I’m lazy, but because I don’t have faith that the relationship will end up in the right direction, especially I get acquainted to her just because I have that relationship target to begin with. It just felt wrong.

Lastly, I will keep that good memory of her and hopefully my faith in girls in general can be restored, as with her faith to guys in general can also be restored. In the end, from what has happened in the past, for every girl that I have feeling towards who I wrote in this blog or other media, it will not ended up in “happy ending”, so I will just accept that fate as long as she is happy with her life. :D

PS: Oh, before I forgot, I’ve been said by some people that posts like this are immature, and if you think the same, I would like to thank you. Just let me decide what’s mature or immature for myself because the value of maturity is different between each people. You can say someone who are kept hurt by other people who can keep calm and don’t do any retaliation is mature, but for me it’s just as plain stupid as being raped but simply accepted it when it’s happen. I would rather write what I need to write and spill out what are on my mind rather than keep it and let it rotten, which may cause me to being depressed. Yeah, I know it’s not a fairy tale, which when she knows I wrote about my feeling and somehow –with miracle– she read this post and ended up fall in love in me. That’s why I wrote that this will not ended up as happy ending, at least for me.

This entry was last modified on: September 7th, 2017 at 1:29

Why Women Lies

The title is a question for me and perhaps for many men in this world. I don’t know if many women will ask similar questions about men, but I believe men are more easily to be understood and perhaps vulgarly honest in some condition (well, unless it’s unpleasant to be honest likeā€¦ cheating?).

Let me tell a short story about a man and his relationship, and you will understand what I’m going to talk about, but perhaps going to be confused more with women :D

There was a boy, who has just broken the relationship with his girlfriend. This man never have confidence to make his girlfriend feels happy, but the girl always encourages him that she was happy with this boy. One day, a problem happened and quarrel was inevitable, and with just one sentence: “I wonder if I will always suffered when I live with you”, the boy lost his thought and always thinking that sentence again and again. Although he tried to forget about that sentence, but he couldn’t. Until one day he decided to end the relation with this girl.

After several months of being single, he met a girl who was in the same workplace with him. They communicated casually as friends and work partner, and for this boy, she looked nice and pretty. Interest was grown in the heart of this boy, but the girl never spoken the fact that she had a boyfriend. It was when the boy knew about that, he stopped his attempts to know more and had interest on her, and finally he could accepted her as a friend instead.

Later, this boy met another girl who was the friend of the first girl. Actually, she was also went to the same workplace as him. Initially, the boy doesn’t have any interest with her, simply because of the gossip that she had a boyfriend. However after several communication and messaging with her, she revealed that she had just broken up with his boyfriend because her boyfriend cheated on her. With this experience of broken heart, she began to ask the boy many questions about men, and many were answered as he could.

The communication continued and everything went nice, at least from the boy’s perspective. Two months later, the boy revealed that he might be interested in her despite he didn’t sure she might be good enough for him to continue to the next level of relationship, but she answered that she didn’t have any interest in him. Although he disappointed with the answer, he accepted that fate and tried to fix the awkwardness he might cause that day. The feeling was not something that can be easily removed, and after several months, he still had that feeling to her.

The most annoying part of the friendship with this girl was that she always told that she doesn’t want to have boyfriend or any relationship, perhaps for the entire of her life, because men and boys are jerks. One time even a simple conversation ended up because she happen to tell him that she suddenly hate boys that time. Simply because she could not accept her fate in the past that she was cheated by an asshole, so that she decided to label every men as assholes. The boy had many arguments with her about relationship, and one time he even said something mean to her that she was a liar, just because he saw her many times went with other boys and happy with them. Perhaps it was driven by jealousy. Still, it was something that should not be said by a man who doesn’t have any special relation with the woman.

In the end, he realized that everything the girl told was her own responsibility, not other’s. If it was her who lied to other people, why should he care? She is the one who will shoulder the lies she told for all of her entire life. It would be easy if he can just move on and pretend don’t care, but he can’t.

Actually, the boy just want to show his care to her, but everything he done was wrong, and sometimes even malicious to her. He couldn’t control the emotion, and couldn’t control what to tell and what not to tell to her. Everything he writes since that day is just seems wrong. Regretful feeling is not something that can fix anything that happened in the past. He can only hope if there is second chance to fix what he done in the past.

End of story.

 

It was a short story about me that happened several months ago. I’m not sure if I have done something terrible and repent for what I’ve done. Perhaps I’m just overthinking about what women / girls done to me, and also what I’ve done to them. In the end, for every experience I had with those women, I got to learn something about them and women in general. The third experience might be the most important one.

On the first experience, I free myself of being tortured with her sentence and perhaps her lies of being happy with me, and she was freed from me who may cause her to suffer in the future. The memory of being together often popped up in a random occasion which always cause me to get “feeling attack”. After all, 5 years in relationship was not a short period.

On the second experience, I still don’t understand why she didn’t told me that she already had a boyfriend and happy with him. Why wouldn’t she just be honest about his condition. Is it because she is clueless about what I have done to her? The worst of all is that I don’t understand when she said that she would marry with another rich man instead. Not sure if it was just a joke or a serious statement. Still, the relationship for me isn’t something that could be easily used as a joke. It will simply determine your future. One wrong sentence may ruins your entire relationship like the first experience I have, but it depends on the people of course. It can be easily ruined if the man is kind of sensitive like me, but will be all right when he is an easy-going person. For such a young woman like her, perhaps relationship still just a joke, so let’s move on to the next.

On the third experience, I don’t understand why woman should state that she would be rather be — I apologize with this phrase in advance — an old lonely virgin woman, instead of try to accept her past and move on with the future. I will understand if she had ambition on being successful woman in career, but still that statement (want to be lonely without spouse or relationship for an entire life) may hurts herself. Couldn’t she just behave like a normal person when I try to communicate with her? Well, this is the first time I’m being harsh with a girl, perhaps it affects her decision to ignore me and stay away from me.

The third experience also open my eyes that you should never tell that you’re interested in a girl until you really want her to be your girlfriend, unless you’re a very handsome, rich or popular man. Also, although she doesn’t give me a pleasant experience, at least I got to know about myself more than the previous 5 years relationship I have. She might be lied about one thing, but I’m glad to know her since she is honest about her feeling towards me, and also she told me my flaws that I think I need to improve: too emotional, too pushy, too clingy when it’s about woman and relationship, too sensitive, and too noisy. Really grateful to know her, despite all the happiness from the past will not be able to repeated again.

Finally, I don’t intend to insult any women out there with this post. I believe many women out there have different attitude. And all women who I wrote here also have many good qualities that I known and also unknown to me. In the end, some girls will be incompatible with me from the beginning to the end, some will be perfect match initially and incompatible in the end, and some might be sucks initially but in the end everything will be better. I will not giving up my hope to have a nice and healthy relationship. I’m sure that in the right time and right place, I will find a good and nice woman that can be honest to me and accept me for the flaws I have, and I will also try to accept her honesty although sometimes honesty can be painful. Not to said that I may not just let her to simply accept me, with true love I believe I can also change myself to be a better person, man (not a boy anymore) and in the end, husband. Oh, and I think I don’t have any deadline when it’s all about marriage, I’m a free person in this matter. ^_^

PS: Oh, also I feel pity to people who said, “hey, remember your age” or something like, “you’re not a kid who should write about love anymore”, just because I write about relationship and love, please just ignore me because since now I will ignore your message. I am living the colorful life, with sorrow and happiness, and I’m not going to let myself down because of several people who judge me only by what they see for the first or second time without going deeper with me. :)

Oh, I just remember a phrase that I got from the third girl: “Woman may forgive, but never forget”. Same here, really, my memory is quite perfect for this kind of event and sometimes even haunted me if I made something regretful. However I’m curious about the second girl who easily forget something that I’ve said just several days ago. LOL. Doesn’t matter though, she might’ve been blessed with easily manipulated mind perhaps.

This entry was last modified on: September 7th, 2017 at 1:29